Personal effectiveness involves mastering four skills beginning with the letter "a". Our other articles covered three of the articles A: Attitude, Emphasis, and Active Listening.
This series reveals the fourth: Anger – how to recognize, experience, treat and express, then let it pass – effectively and without violence. In doing so, we suggest 5 Anger Rules.
In fact, anger is neither good nor bad. If you feel it, feel it!
Many people deny their anger. Later in the series, we will talk about this denial. For the time being, suppose we use this term to refer not only to anger, but also to any level of discontent, for example, inconvenience, inconvenience, frustration, lack of patience, contempt, resentment, or even numbness. Whether directed towards the outside towards others or circumstances … or the inside towards himself.
Keep this illustration in mind as you review …
5 rules of anger
- Acknowledge it
- Try it
- Address that
- Express that
- Let her go
The first step to managing anger is:
The rule of first anger: Acknowledgment You are angry.
We suggest you spend a minute or so to complete the following Anger Inventory list. (Feel free to replace your own word, whenever we use the terms, anger or anger).
How angry am I?
Explain how you usually feel in each of the following situations … using this scale:
0 = little or no anger
1 = slightly irritated
2 = mild anger
3 = very upset
4 = Very angry
Please be frank. This is for your eyes only!
- ___ Someone blames me for something I didn't do.
- ___ A crowd in front of me in line.
- ___ I pour red wine over new pants and don't go out.
- ___Someone is trying to tell me what to think or feel.
- ___Someone annoys me or annoys me.
- ___ Someone takes credit for something you did.
- ___ A street vendor who won't leave me alone.
- ___ Someone insults me and tries to make me feel bad.
- ___ Doing something nice to someone and failing to notice it.
- ___ After a stressful day at work, I find that my car won't start.
- ___ My friend and I have prepared dinner plans and do not appear.
- ___ I forgot to bring something from the house and I had to go back.
- ___ The one I rely on does not come to me.
- ___ I go on vacation and rain all the time.
- ___ A car that cuts me in traffic.
___ = sum Add your ratings.
Adapted from: Attacking anxietyMidwest Center for Stress and Anxiety, 1989
How did it work?
If you score 0-15, it might be numbness. Either you have an unusually high level of tolerance or, more likely, you are in denial or cut off from your feelings. You may think that anger is bad or that you do not have the right to be angry. Pay special attention to the second and fourth rules of anger … and the violation of the filling of the rules described in this series of articles.
Is it a 16-30 degree? If so, then you are mellow. You are a comfortable person who may be angry from time to time, but who does not control it. This series of articles may be helpful in strengthening the rules you already follow … or in dealing with angry people.
Or maybe you are upset (31-45). You are a little more angry than you (or others) want. This series of articles can help. Pay special attention to rules 3 and 5 … and make sure that you express your anger appropriately (the fourth rule), rather than escalation.
If you score 46-60, you are Angry! You are controlled by your anger. You and the others are upset about it. Need this series of articles! Focus especially on the third rule and carefully apply all the rules. Perhaps you violate the rules to escalate.
Check out our other articles on anger management to learn about the other four rules and about the two ways many people violate those rules (by filling or escalating their anger).